Coping with Grief and Bereavement
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The grief associated with bereavement is not a feeling that is easy to describe. There may be a good deal of ambivalence at the time, for example sorrow and disappointment may be mixed with anger, guilt and anxiety. Bereavement is a stress that can precipitate psychiatric disorder and psychosomatic illness. Many widows, for example, experience feelings of guilt about their role in the events leading up to the death of their husbands. The reorganisation called for following the death of a spouse introduces an added source of stress with regard to emotional deprivation and living arrangements.
Bereavement is the loss of someone very precious; grief is the resultant emotional experience of being bereaved. Most people think of grief as a natural response to someone being bereaved and would be suspicious if someone denied or hid his or her feelings of bereavement. Many people see grief as therapeutic, a healing and necessary process before people can move on with their lives. We are often told “Get it off your chest and have a good cry!” However grief is more complicated than that. It is a dynamic and we live through it. We go through a number of steps along the way, each of which is hard work. It is not just a passive force of letting out pent up feelings. It is an active process of adjustment and a positive ‘letting go’ of something or someone that has been very precious to you for a long time.
There is no right way to grieve. Grieving varies from person to person and from culture to culture. The point about grief is not how it is done but that it should be done somehow. Things may go wrong. Grief may be denied totally, or it can begin and then be inhibited. It may be turned towards the body instead of outwards to relationships with other people. We quite often see a person who appears not to be affected by grief but know that such good spirits are superficial and brittle. If grief is delayed or inhibited, superficial relief is only gained for a short time. When grieving does start it is often more severe because it has been delayed. Psychotherapy during this time can offer an understanding of the mourning process and help resolve areas of conflict still remaining and help the bereaved person adjust to their life with all its changes, good and bad.
